I've wanted to tell you the truth for some time now. I want to tell you how I feel, and why I am how I am. I would tell you in person, but I can't muster the strength. So this letter will have to do. This is my side of the story.
At first, I thought it was just brotherly love, or admiration. I always wanted to be with you, and I couldn't stand it when I wasn't. When I got a little older, I realized that it was more than admiration. I saw I had a crush on you. It was sorta like how kids have crushes on their teachers. I thought it would just be a phase, that I would get over it. But as I grew up, my feelings only strengthened. These feelings didn't go away, and it scared me. I wanted to be more than just your brother. I loved you, but I saw I could never be with you. Unless we split. That was when I decided to leave. I didn't revolt to hurt you, or to make you less. I did it because I loved you too much. I had to stop being your brother, so I could have a chance at being more. I know that you loved me a lot, and I crushed you when I left. My heart hurts every time I remember that day, when you cried before me. Just the memory of it makes me cry to this day. I am so sorry I put you through that. You probably don't want anything to do with me anymore, but I have to tell you that I love you. I always have, and I always will. If I could just hold you, even for a day, I would be happy for the rest of my life. I wanted you to know that, in case I ever forget to tell you, or if I'm ever to scared to say anything else. Thank you for all that you have done for me, and teaching me how to love.